Another side of me

Another side of me

Depression what does it mean to you? I promise not two people understand it the same and that is what makes it so hard to live with.

I spent a long time debating if this was something I wanted to include in my blog and a part of me is still not very sure. Spending time in rehab has taught me that speaking about it is the only way to get the world to get over themselves and accept you. I also feel that the skills I am learning in rehab are those that many people need. Even those of you who say you “perfectly fine.” Another reason why I am doing this is because through the blogging community I find that people are so accepting of mental illness. It has honestly made me feel more welcome than I ever have felt in life.

I plan to do a weekly post on my mental health. Please feel free to comment and also feel free not to read. At the end of the day this is for me and others suffering not for anyone else and it is defiantly not for entertainment.

 Todays is a little bit of an over view so you the reader can better understand me and what goes through this extremely busy head of mine. I have had depression for a very long time, I knew I had it before I was willing to admit I had it. I remember the first time I thought it would be great to just die. I was 12 and hated life, I think that’s how it often starts you hate life so much you don’t want to carry on. I remember it was after school one day, at school I had gotten locked in the store room by some of the girls and then shouted at by the teacher for “bunking class” of course the teacher never believed me when I told her what happened. I then had one of the boys in my class throw a desk at me and tell me he wished I was dead. That’s when the thought started, maybe I should be dead? Would everyone be happier if I was just gone?

I remember the sudden over whelming feeling of peace I had when I thought about the idea of being dead. It was like for once the world had stopped spinning and I could breathe. I planned it all out in aftercare, I knew exactly where I could get the pills and I knew when would be the best time. Obviously, I didn’t go through with it because here I sit in rehab at 21 wondering why life always seems so overwhelming and filled with suffering.

I went on to high school, girls only high school. I remember the hell that put me through, the bathroom cry sessions the paper balls are thrown at my head. It was not a fun time. I think what made it worse was I never really had friends that were true. I always had friends that were my friend when they wanted something and when they had what they wanted they left. In my last year of school I hang with a group that got me, we were all pretty screwed in the head but we got each other. It made life easier. When you could talk about wanting to jump off a building and everyone was not shocked, didn’t show you any pity but rather laughed with you.

My life was an interesting battle of divorced parents, both remarried after about a year I think. My step dad was an abusive a**hole and his son was no good too. My step mother tried but I always felt like I already had a mother and didn’t need another. I then struggled with my mother moving away which probably has led to my abandonment issues. Then there was all the deaths, I think there was a stage were every year I was going to a funeral of someone I loved.

Then my medical drama which I feel also played a rather big role in my mental illness. Going from doctor to doctor and hospital to hospital when I was young to find out what was wrong. I had my first operation at 12, then my second at 16 when I was then diagnosed with endometriosis which I never realized would have such a big effect on my life. I had another operation when I was 17 due to my endometriosis, I’ve gone 4 years with no operation and that feels darn good. I now suffer from chronic pain which I had no clue could be caused by depression. I spent about six months last year going from doctor to doctor to try get help. I knew my pain was bad when I had to weigh the pros and cons of showering or bathing. I felt at 21 I should not be wondering if my body can handle a shower.

In rehab they have taught me that depression can cause chronic pain and that it is something very real. For a certain amount of time I really thought I was losing my mind, I now have some peace of mind.

I really hoped that going to university would be like a fresh start and I could enjoy life but that was not how it went down. I remember on registration day not being sure which degree to sign up for and deciding on early childhood development which now  I wonder if I made a big mistake. I have come to realization that I put so much pressure on myself to go to university. I remember how badly I wanted to prove to people that I could go to university, that I was smart enough, that in the end I have hurt myself more. I did not do it for me and I now see the consequences.

Depression has been the one consistent in my life, depressing thought isn’t it. I hope that this will change, I know it wont be easy but im here for the fight this time.

The Victorian Garden

The Victorian Garden

The Victorian Garden is a natural and organic skincare brand. The brand also takes care of the environment by using packaging that is recyclable and won’t lead to any environmental harm.

fullsizeoutput_18f9

I was given some of The Victorian Garden tea tree and lavender day cream and I have been very impressed with the product. The product, and brand, do not test on animals which make me love it more. Reading the ingredients one can tell that they use a lot of natural based products and oils. The product retails for R125.00 on the faithful to nature site.

The packaging

The packaging of this product is very simple, a basic white bottle with the writing on it. It is not the most eye-catching packaging but it is recyclable and the product is not a high-end product so it doesn’t need some fancy packaging.

The product

The actual product is a total win in my mind. It has a smell that to me reminds me of my granny, that old flower kind of smell. It isn’t too strong which is great. I love how easily this product sank into my skin and made my skin feel very fresh and ready for the day. I have also been impressed with the fact that so little can go a really far way.

 

Would I recommend this product?

Yes, I would. It isn’t some miracle cream that will fix all your problems but it is a great simple cream. If you have oily skin then this will work for you.

A product that WOWed me

A product that WOWed me

Screenshot 2018-01-05 17.34.37

A few days ago I was cleaning out some things in my room and found a little sample packet with a cleansing foam. All the writing was in Japanese i guess so i had no clue how i was meant to use it. Anyway there i go using this foam cleanser and OMG it was beyond amazing.

It was an egg white and baking powder foam that just felt so amazing as i massaged it on to my skin.  When i washed off my skin i promise you my pores looked so much cleaner and my skin shined. I figured out the name and have been reading on their site and thought i would share a little information about them with you.

The brand is called THE SAEM and is a brand the is inspired by nature. This means that all the ingredients that go into their products are natural.  From what i understand from the site it is a brand that is loved by Koreans. The brand was established in 2010 and from there has done extremely well globally

The brand offers many different options from skincare to makeup to sun protection.

Screenshot 2018-01-05 17.35.25

This is the product that i tested and found amazing.

Screenshot 2018-01-05 17.37.43

Laneige Water Bank trial kit review

Laneige Water Bank trial kit review

An Asian cult skincare range put to the South African test

 My cousin has been travelling to Hong Kong for work a lot and his girlfriend decided to try a cult skincare product. However by the time it got here she was over it and kind enough to pass it on to me to try. I love to try new things and the idea of testing something loved in Asia makes me very excited.

 

About Laneige

A company about using water to address skin issues, “Hydro Ionized Mineral Water offers quicker and deeper absorption for better overall moisturization”

DSCN5594

DSCN5595

The Water Bank Products

I have got the Water Bank Eye Gel, Water Bank Gel Cream and the Water Bank Essence Ex.

The Water Bank Eye Gel is a cooling eye gel to help with tired looking skin, targets dry skin and helps protect from nature. Using natural moisturising agents which are found in the skin as well this product is fast absorbing and light weight on the skin. This product retails for 36 dollars for 25 ml, that being R454.00 for 25ml making this a rather luxury product

DSCN5603

 

The Water Bank Gel Cream is a non oily cream made for normal to combination skin types. “The six hydrating ionized minerals—zinc, potassium, calcium, sodium, magnesium, and manganese—in Hydro Ionized Mineral Water replenish and lock in moisture.” This light weight product is perfect for hot temperatures and oily skin. This retails for 35 dollars for 50 ml making that R440.00 for 50ml

DSCN5602

The Water Bank Essence EX is designed to add extra moisture to the skin and help the skin look silky. This retails for 36 dollars for 60ml making it R454.oo for 60ml.

 DSCN5601

 

My feelings about these products

 

The Water Bank Eye Gel I have rather mixed feelings about this product. The positives are that it applies very nicely to the under eye, a little goes a long way and it is cooling. My only issue which I am not sure is a real issue is that it makes my under eye skin tingle. It doesn’t turn the skin red or anything like that, it just doesn’t feel very comfortable.

 

The Water Bank Gel Cream  I have been loving this as a cream. It is so light weight and works very well for my oily t zone. I also find that a little goes a long way which makes me think that price wise it is worth it.

 

 

The Water Bank Essence EX  this one I am a little lost with. Due to everything being in Japanese writing I am not sure what to use it for. From reading their site I understand that it is like a face cream as well. I do however enjoy this product as it really makes my skin feel so full of moisture. But I do feel that it might be too light to wear as a face cream, I just feel like I need a little more to complete my routine.

Bee Natural loving

Bee Natural loving

Something I have learnt is that just because one product is bad doesn’t mean they all are.

Here is the link to their site if you want to do some shopping or just check it out Bee Natural

My experience with the Bee Natural Facial Scrub was not very pleasant but that did not stop me from trying two of their other products. Two products that I have found to be great and totally worth it.

 

Bee Natural 100% natural luxurious cleansing balm is a product rich with anti-oxidants and vitamins. This product is made to help with the removal of makeup and dirt, specially made to help with mascara. The ingredients are essential oils, honey, avocado and many other lovely natural things. This cleanser is R85.00 on the faithful to nature site.

Cleansing Balm-228x228

The second product is the Bee Natural ultimate 100% pure nature rich rehydrating face balm. This is a face balm that is suitable for all skin types and does not contain any toxins or fragrances. The face balm is R219.00 on the Faithful to nature site.

xsku2600v1-_bee_natural_rich_rehydrating_face_balm_100ml-front_large_1.jpg.pagespeed.ic.LsTTzZoBhR

 

Packaging

Both products are in very simple packaging, nothing fancy at all. The cleanser is in a bottle with a sticker on it and the balm is in a tub with a sticker on it. There is nothing special about the packaging but its simplicity suits the brand’s motto of being natural. The packaging works well for the products, the cleanser is easy to get out and so is the balm.

 

The product

 

First lets look at the cleanser, a honey yellow rather thick consistency that has the power to remove so much from the skin. This product has really wowed me, the amount of makeup and dirt it gets off the skin is amazing. I will use it after I have taken my makeup off and it still is able to take off more makeup. This product is very pleasant on the skin and smooth. I feel that one does not have to apply a lot of pressure to the skin when using this product.

 

The face balm is something I wasn’t sure about in the beginning. I have rather oily skin in summer and was worried that this product would make my skin even more oily. It is a rather heavy product and it does take some time to absorb into the skin. I would not recommend it as a day time moisturizer. I have used it a few times at night and when I go to bed can still feel the product on my face but by the time I wake up most of it as sank into my skin. I have been impressed that has not made my skin feel more oily and how smooth my skin feels after using it. One thing about the balm that one needs to keep in mind, a very little goes a very long way.

 

Would I recommend these products?

I would defiantly say that one should give these a shot. I have been very impressed by them. I would day that they are great value for money and work very well on the skin.

 

 

Please note that the pictures are not my own as I got some product from a friend and used it to test the product out. The pictures come from the Bee Natural site.

Midlands Adventures

Midlands Adventures

After an evening of laughter and talking, we retired to sleep in the trees. Each to their own little house for a night among the owls. Awoken by the birds and sun the fun had only just begun. The travellers set out for a day of experience that did not disappoint. In the cars, they jumped readly as could be, the Midlands awaited with much to see. Along the mountains, they drove astounded by the view, singing along to songs not so present.

Our first stop was to a coffee shop called Terbodore, their branding is great danes which of course made me happy. They had the most gentle giant strengthed out on the floor sleeping peacefully.  We got our take away coffees, some of the best coffee i had ever tasted, and on with the venture we went.

IMG_0412

IMG_0408

IMG_0415

The next stop involved a little shoe shopping. A leather shop with lovely leather shoes.

IMG_0416.JPG

 

Some more shop viewing was to be done so on to Pigly Wiggly we wiggled our way. A place with lots of little shops, a play area for the kids and a train for the kids to enjoy.

IMG_0426

IMG_0432

IMG_0439

By lunchtime the travellers were ready to eat. Off to a mountaintop blueberry restaurant, we went. The entrance had hanging flower pots and many different flowers to welcome you. We had the most amazing lunch, the food was stunning and the view was great.

IMG_0500

IMG_0445

IMG_0449

IMG_0469

IMG_0486

IMG_0483

IMG_0493

The bathrooms were the best, they looked out onto the fields so one could go to the loo and watch the cows graze.

IMG_0458

IMG_0457

A tree top view

A tree top view

After my holiday in Clarens we met up with some family and family friends in the Midlands. It was my uncles 50th so we all had a little mini holiday together. One thing that I love about our holidays together is it always reminds of the importance of family. I love my family so much and having little holidays like this together really makes me so happy.

The place that we were staying at was a tree house lodge and it was very different. I think what made the holiday was not the place but rather the people. If I had to describe the holiday in one word it would have to be laughter, I honestly don’t remember the last time i laughed that much. It was a very happy time and the perfect way to start the new year.

The houses were unique and had very different elements to each house. Our shower and bath were outside the house and the shower had these glass windows looking out into the forest which i have to say made me feel rather exposed. BUT it was an adventure and it cant be a proper adventure if you stay in your comfort zone.

One of my favourite parts of the whole trip has to be sitting under the trees drinking and laughing for hours. It was so nice to just relax and laugh together, at each other and at ourselves.  In that moment nothing really mattered apart from just being present and being together.

IMG_0323

IMG_0326

Below are some pictures of what the tree houses looked like. As you will see from the pictures there was a lot of this carved wood that after a point got a little too much.

IMG_0310

IMG_0297

IMG_0298