Growing up I always wore what i was given. The knitted jersey from granny along with the knitted skirt (looking back it is one scary picture.) The hand me downs from people I never knew. Often they were boys clothes but i never complained because i just went with the flow.
I was told i was a tom boy so i went with it, i wore home made tracksuits and takkies everyday. When i think back on it i cringe at the thought. At school we had a uniform so clothes werent that big a feature in my life at the time. Then when i turned eight things changed, i wanted to be more girly and dress like the other girls. However for my parents practical was more important than looks. So sadly i admitted that i wore Crocs for like three years (cover eyes with shame)
When i was ten i was told that i had big chunky thighs and this was the day that my whole love for life and style changed. From that day forward i hated my body, it was chunky and too big. I new i was bigger than the other girls but till that day it never bothered me. From that day till today i only wore clothes that covered up my body, clothes that would hide the body i know hated. I was always the fat kid and the fat kid could never look good and stylish and this was because i had the wrong role models. The people i looked up to were skinny and as I’ve learnt skinny style does not work on curvy body.
I longed to be skinny, to be taller, to be prettier and the list goes on. All that this has done is make my life sad. It has stopped me from enjoying what makes me happy, clothes. I always went for the wrong style because i wanted to be like the others. But now i know i need to dress my body not someone else body.
Today my closet consists of nothing that i truly love. The over sized tops, the flowing pants that make me look short, the hoodies that make me look fatter and the shoes that don’t excited me. I do have a few pieces i love but i never wear them because i am scared to be judged as the ugly fat chick.
I wish that people would think about what they say and be aware of the damage they can make with a few words. That word chunky has ruined 11 years of my life. Looking back i have lost so much and become so unhappy. I am going to change that.
This weekend i will go through my closet and give away every piece of clothing that does not fit or does not work for my body. I will clean it out and only put back the things that actually work for my body and that make me happy. I will then slowly fill my closet with the things that excite me and make me feel sexy and like i can take over the world.
I will do a vlog showing you the process and then ill do a blog with pictures of the awful clothes and what i kept. I know this is going to be a lot harder to do than it is to talk about. The idea of actually wearing what i want and trying not to think about what others say scares me so much. But i won’t let this control my life any longer. I want to be happy. i want to love my curves and enjoy the body i have.